And Now Another Word From Our (Non-Existant) Sponsers: Monsanto

I’m not sure if you guys have heard of the good people at Monsanto but they are a corporation founded by farmer friendly scientists who want your food to taste the same.

The people at Monsanto approached me* to use my blog as a sounding board for their message. All the people at Monsanto want you to know, is that they are here to help feed the world while making ungodly profits. I mean it’s undemocratic and frankly communist, to limit a corporation who has figured out how to change the basic genetic make up of what we eat to secure their profit motives. The farmer friendly people at Monsanto would like for you to know that the concepts you learned about bio-diversity, conservation, and nutrition are illusions created by liberal minded losers. Please remove yourself from this plato’s cave of misinformation about how food is produced. Monsanto has brought you round up ready canola**, soy beans and corn, which allows our farmers to blast huge chemical loads all over their soil with Monsanto’s proprietary herbicides. Monsanto’s Round Up ready organisms are just as selfless as the good people at Monsanto, they share their genetic information through cross pollination, which means even if you don’t want your crops to be round-up ready, in the matter of a few years, you won’t have any choice.

Now lets talk about how great monsanto’s vegetables taste. Kids always hate eating their vegetables, strange flavours, textures, aromas are all reasons. But what if we can just remove the crunch from your carrots, or the bitterness from peppers or the smell of asperagus pee? What if the people at monsanto told you that everything they produce through the magic of farmer friendly science is bland as shit and lacks the strong cell walls which makes things crunchy. I mean once all the high fructose corn syrup(another monsanto creation) has rotted away your teeth and made your palette so fucked out on cloying sweetness, that natural flavours seem overwhelming and kind of gross. Bland, soft produce will be your best friend when you are gnawing away with your tooth stubs.

The good people at Monsanto want you to understand that they have your best interests at heart even if they seem to be just be a evil pile of the lowest human filth. They are making money for their shareholders, and we all know how important that is.

Check out Monsanto at and why not shoot them an email letting them know what you think of them.


*In The dark, from behind, with a rusty shiv.

**They put the Rape in Rape Seed.