Braised Blue Gets Political: An Open Letter To Essex MP Jeff Watson.

Anyone who knows me knows my political leanings. I have purposely kept those leanings out of this blog but about half way through writing the third installment of my Toronto travelogue I decided that it was time to start a new segment on Braised Blue, where I talk about the politics of food. I have become an ex-officio member of The Canadian Chefs Congress over the weekend and I feel motivated to get political. This open letter will not have much to do with food, but I promise in the future to stay on point and talk about GMO Soybeans and Mega Quarries but today we are going to have some fun I promise.

Dear Career Backbencher Jeff Watson MP-Essex,

I am writing this open letter because upon going to your website to obtain your email address the internet gods frowned on me. Unfortunately I found that conveniently on the friday before you vote on the historic Omnibus Crime Bill* and the CPP Retirement Benefit Bill**, your website is down for maintainance and your website developers have neglected to leave your electronic mail address. This kind of oversight could be construed as a dirty political move that only a scurvy cocksucker from Steven Harper’s administration would have the gall to pull. Though, I am sure that this is not the case. You are a good and genuine Christian man of the highest moral fiber. For christ’s sake, you have adopted orphans sir, and I am sure you would never dream of using them for any type of publicity or photo opportunity.*** But I digress.

My problem with these two bills are vast and varied. And like most Canadians I do not support your party or it’s draconian ideas on criminal justice or the direct warfare you are waging on my generation.

First the Bill C-10, I will address the only argument you party has used to push this bill through. Sexual predators in Canada get off much too easy. I 100% agree, the likes of Graham James and those of his ilk without a doubt should be locked in some kind of horrible underground realm and processed into some type of meat like patty and fed to the quickly growing underclass of Canada****. If you were to pass a bill allowing the cannibalism of sexual predators you would not only get my vote but the votes of all the long deceased members of my family who probably voted for you last election anyway. An election in Essex county isn’t over until every last dead person votes.

One main sticking point in Bill-C10 that I take exception to, the institution of manditory minimum sentencing. Which seems to only exist as a way to prop up the obvious investment of my tax dollars on the prison industrial complex in Canada.

Mandatory minimum sentencing removes the ability of our legal system to view crimes on a case by case basis.  Beyond the volumes of evidence that Manditory Minimums do not work as a deterrent to crime, sentencing the convicted based on ridged guidelines leads to large backlogs in court systems. Now this seems counter intuative, but here is why it doesn’t work.  Prosecutors who must work under more restrictive time and financial restraints that their defense counterparts must make deals when they know that a case is going to cost too much for them to take a case to open court. In turn this behooves them to prosecute those who do not have the means of a quality defense in a more strenuous way so that they can keep their conviction rates up. This means crown attorneys pushing for the convictions of poor people who may be more on the borderline of guilt. In other words poor people are more likely to spend longer in jail for crimes they probably in the past would have been plead down because there might not have been sufficient evidence for a trial. The system becomes two tiered.  If this seems reductionist and simplistic it because it is. It’s also more than your party has bothered to debate over the past year this bill has been in the public eye. Vic Towes would have us believe that this overarching crime bill only pertains to child pornographers and hop heads, but in reality it restructures the way our country jails it’s citizens.

Bill C-51 is the part of this letter and I will try and be brief because I know you have many diapers to change and snotty noses to wipe*****. As a 29 year old, I feel that your party has done nothing for me. I get it, you were elected by the elderly of Canada to protect their interests. The front end of the baby boomers is your market and if Mr Harper wants to hold off the left he must cater to his base.

Finding a job is a difficult thing for people my age, the unemployment rate for young Canadians outpaces the broader rate by almost double. So what else can you do to my generation but make those who are older and have failed at being personally responsible at saving for their retirements more time in the workforce. Now I am sure you have caught shit from those people who’s CPP will be withheld for a longer time but the real victims of this are those people who are depending on the retirement of the elder generation.

I take this as your party waging economic warfare on my generation and when election time comes, and if I am not in some kind of Albertan gulag, digging for oil, and eating shit on a shingle. I will do everything in my power to help those running against you to unseat your impotent back bench ass.

I hope that the summer is healthy and prosperous for you and yours.


Nicholas V. Nedin

Post Script: Remember how the the most recent federal elections, your party ran on the fact that you didn’t have to bail out our banking system and then it came out that your party spent over $100 Billion on a bank bailout? That was fantastically honest, and go fuck yourself.

*Bill C-10 if you are not hip to the Latin.

**Bill C-51 if you are more of a number guy.

*** Ahem Ahem Ahem

**** I like the name PedoPatties but I am by no means married to it.

***** As I am sure your wife appreciates as she does not have the benefit production assistant of a reality tv show to help out. Though after a few more children I’m sure you could give TLC a call.